Ghosting is more about the entrance than the exit!
Back in my dating days, I had rules and if a rule was broken when I felt “Heat”. You know when Neil McCauley (Robert Deniro) Neil McCauley said A guy told me one time, “Don’t let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner.” I liked that so much I adopted that philosophy as the response to anything that didn’t make me feel good. So when I feel heat I have thirty seconds or less to drop everything. Regardless of how I felt about her at that point, it would be over.
But there were times when I felt for whatever reason I made a bad decision and I want to confirm my thoughts. So when I saw her again after some time I would let her know that whatever the reason I disappeared it was me not her. Then we would continue on as we previously had. Ghosting is more about the entrance than the exit.
What is being Ghosted?
Ghosting is when you fall deeply in love or just get really engaged in a person and then they disappear like a ghost. That’s the short version.
I explain it like this – Ghosting is when you get your bucket or nozzle filled with premium energy and then the source disappears, like a ghost. Think you’re as happy as you’ve ever been. You’re with the person day and night in what appears to be relationship bliss. Then this person disappears and you don’t know why. You’re stuck wondering if all the negative things you say to yourself are true and they all resulted in you being alone. Since you can’t point out which one then it had to be all of them. This causes depression and low self-esteem.
Have you seen the show POWER?
We have all been watching several seasons of POWER. Nobody realized that Ghost got ghosted. In this Starz drama about a drug dealer trying to go legit. The male leading star is aptly named “Ghost”. He gets ghosted by Angie Valdez. This creates so much drama but the point of the story is that Angie went to a different high school and then a different college all the while Ghost was moving up in the drug game. When they saw each other it generated all the feelings and emotions of when they were younger. As I explain in the episode Ghost gets Ghosted podcast if you do not completely close the door, then it’s open.
Your bucket/nozzle is filled with premium energy and then the source disappears. This will create a calcified rock or brick in your bucket/nozzle. This means that your bucket/nozzle can never be truly full.
The way around this is to realize that they left you as a result of them not being adequate. You’re more than enough. This increases your value or expands your bucket/nozzle. If you were dating a fry cook now a line manager or above will due. If you were dating a model you’ve moved up to super-model. You have to expand your own bucket/nozzle or find someone who creates a deeper emotional impact. When you expand your bucket the effect of this rock will be so minute that it doesn’t.